The polls are closed, everyone’s been disenfranchised, and it’s time to announce the results. Grab a beer or another adult beverage of your choice with a fistful of cake and enjoy Our Gala Event.
Nominees for The 2013 LGF Awards were difficult to select, as Little Green Footballs, once a bright beacon of sentience in a disturbed world, is now a dim yellow porch light that even the moths make fun of.
Charles Johnson is now a big-boned petulant parody of himself, a wide pantload on the internet highway, and he’s succeeded in relegating and reducing his cut ‘n paste “News Aggregator” website to a slow-loading advertisement for Amazon subscription services featuring MediaMatters retreads. Even the most deranged and entertaining liberal lizards (like LVQ) wandered from The Swamp out of sheer boredom, leaving behind a homogeneous self-reinforced gaggle of little green pea brains with the average mental acuity approximately equal to the value ratio of Malawian Kwachas to U.S. dollars.
So let’s roll out the faded green Cheetos-encrusted ‘Dew-stained carpet and welcome the winners of The 2013 LGF Awards.
Prior winners of The Buzzsaw Award for intrepid flounce-worthy snarkage were:
2012 – Rightwing_2 aka MF Horn
2011 – No Awards. Fire in the Boiler Room, archives preserved. Internet Septic Tank Engineer chews up paper copies for security reasons and flees to Bolivia with couch cushions. The BRC destroys sensitive records, saves foosball table and keg chiller.
2010 – Cato “Do It Now” The Elder
This year, due to a dearth of Proper Flounces, we expanded the category of nominees to include those who, while preserving their coveted membership at LGF, provided just the right amount of contrarian snark. The Winner of the 2013 Buzzsaw goes to
Yeah, THAT Killgore Trout, once a fawning sycophant, known across the internet for his infamous racist Midnight Run smear, backstabbed by LGF monitor lizards Iceweasel & Jimmah, Killgore garnered a mere 23 percent of the DoD popular vote, more than enough for the win, given that the 2nd slot was won by no one at all. No one came in at 21%, followed by the snarkage of “not_sure” at 19%. Good goin’, douche, your dreams have come true.
THE IRISH ROSE
Some great suckups won The Irish Rose Award in past years whether they liked it or not, including Dark Falcon (2012) and Dark Falcon (2010). In our recent poll, Dark Falcon was unexpectedly unseated. Alouette, aka Viscious Babushka, gave the winner a run for his *ahem* money, yet even she didn’t make the cut, and Curious Lurker wasn’t even nominated (sorry Furious Burka).
Therefore, The 2013 Irish Rose Award goes instead to Mr. Pitiful, Nowhere Man, Mister Morose, Debbie Downer’s Male Counterpart, He Who Blames Everyone But Himself For His Own Troubles That He Broadcasts To The World Via Twitter & Little Green Footballs, and The Sultan Of Suckage:
Congratulations, Gus. We love ya, man.
Yeah, Charles won it again. At 1:1 odds, at least you didn’t lose any money on the bet, even if you didn’t count on this moronic TwitterFail:
The Top Ten Most Popular Posts on Diary of Daedalus for 2013.
10. The Little Green Footballs User’s Guide
9. I just can’t even.
8. Another Grim Milestone for LGF: 16000+ Banned
7. Introducing the CHUCKMEME
6. Another Blow for Charles Johnson’s credibility
5. Charles Johnson Defends Anjem Choudary
4. Rebel Without A Clue: Alouette Takes On #TGDN
3. Charles “Burner” Johnson Settles It
2. LGF By The Numbers: Pick ‘em and flick ‘em
1. “We have the coolest first lady ever. Just… holy shit.”
Since we’re in retrospective mode, on Monday, 20 May 2013 at 8:59:52AM Pacific Standard Time, Little Green Footballs’ 10,000,000th comment appeared and was promptly deleted. Why? Because the BRC counts and Charles Johnson doesn’t.
The Milyo Award is a recent addition intended to recognize those who participated in the mockery of Charles Johnson above and beyond the call of doody outside the realm of Diary of Daedalus. The obvious contender in 2012 had no close competition, so The 2012 Milyo was awarded, posthumously, to Andrew Breitbart (1969-2012).
In 2013, there were very few players who took precious minutes out of their daily schedule to occasionally mock Icarus, Barry, The Big Guy, The Corpulent One, The Magical Jazzy Ponytail for his blatant propaganda, personal smears, and astounding ignorance of junior-high-level history. There is one who still remembers the character assassinations, the underhanded allegiances, and the general rumpswabbery of Charles “Fuckface” Johnson, and who was more than willing to contribute to the laughter.
The 2013 Milyo is hereby awarded to
Thanks to all for playing, and remember, Charles, we’re not laughing with you. We’re laughing with all those who are still laughing at you. Keep up the good work. Kudos go to Daedalus – and the Mothership.
POLL NOW CLOSED
THE IRISH ROSE AWARD: We love this one, as it gives due recognition to the greatest lizard-lapping suck-up sycophant of the year. No one’s ever topped the drooling puppy-eyed vicious loyalty of Paula “Irish Rose” Connell. Think Thank you Charles and you’ve got the gist of it. Suck like a Hoover. Blow like a hurricane.
For those who don’t remember, the IR Award image is, um, a disgusting interior view of this, and everyone listed in the Poll below deserves mockery; however, it is our duty to vote for the Cram of the Crop, and in fond memory of Cato the Elder, “Do it.”
POLL NOW CLOSED
Let’s begin with THE BUZZSAW AWARD: Traditionally, this award goes for the best flounce of the year. This year we’re going to expand the field of candidates to include those few daring and intrepid lizards who deliberately sat/stepped/stomped upon the LGF eggshells, who eschewed updings and who contradicted the gangrenous group-think hive-mind so prevalent in The Swamp.
Nominations were culled from the comments in here, but you may nominate any and all who were inadvertently overlooked. If we missed anyone it’s entirely your fault because we’re a goddam echo chamber and you just didn’t speak up loud enough. And if you pla-doh-faces think we’re gonna add up the numbers by hand, well, we are. Eventually.
Have at it.