How to Art

A lot of things have changed in The Swamp, besides a fatter logo, new formatting flaws and floods of adware, so I put on the dumpster diving suit and decided to have a look at The New Little Green Footballs.

In years past, Diary of Daedalus could find easy fodder for new posts just by eyeballing the downdings, but those days are gone. It’s rare to find a comment with a red negative, and that means that either Charles Johnson is squelching them or  he’s finally achieved homogeneity. (For you wags who think I just called him a homo, I didn’t as far as you know.)

So here’s an offensive post that earned ONE downding:

Yeah. Downdinged for calling Kim Jong Imbecile’s reprehensible excuse for a government as “The NORKS.” I wonder who downdinged it. On the other hand, updings are up. Here’s the top one:

If you squint, it looks like a blue frog with fire coming out of its eyes. I don’t know who this innocent is, but she’s got a ways to go with artistry and composition, so I’ll try to help out. Here’s the first rule:

As for cropping, I added wider tape for the borders as requested. I don’t see a problem with what she did, but again, I’m willing to help, with virtual duct tape.

Next, let’s do something simple. Let’s put a suit and tie on it.

Now you have something to sell to the effete aficionados and it’s hella better than that screaming blue and orange garbage we started out with. Chop it down and dress it up. That’s how you art.

The first lesson is free, Charles.

111 Comments on “How to Art”

  1. Bunk X says:

    The title of the work is “Blue Rooster No. 17.

  2. Octopus says:

    “Genius” doesn’t begin to describe it. No wonder the kid is proud. That degree is paying dividends! 😆

  3. Octopus says:

    Reading through some of Chelsea’s massive accomplishments of the past week, being named to the board of every company her parents have ever done “business” with, I came across this semi-dated gem. This is how the other half lives, kids. Btw, Diller’s massive yacht, the biggest in the world, is just around the next rock — this snorkeling trip is being done from the dinghy to that behemoth.

  4. Pakimon says:

    “Never mix blue and orange unless you’re designing a Hawaiian shirt”

    or you’re a Florida Gator fan 😆

  5. Pakimon says:

    More abject stupidity from the shriveled, Cheetos clogged brain of the rotund ponytailed Twitter dickhead.


    Where does he get that?

    See for yourself and then let your mind boggle at the imbecility of our favorite ponytailed fat man with the 20 year old avatar. 😆

    Charles “Jazzy Ponytailed Fuckface” Johnson and his handful of Twitter followers are a classic case study for the theory that peevishness and massive stinging butthurt causes brain damage. 😆

  6. Pakimon says:

    The ponytailed fat man can never pass up an opportunity to try and “one-up” someone in the victim category or at least snivel, “Me too”.

    Then again, “Liam Stack” doesn’t have a blog dedicated to mocking, ridiculing and laughing at every idiotic utterance he farts out. 😆

    • Pakimon says:

      Don’t do it, Liam!

      Charles Johnson is like a fat gassy planet floating in the Twitter Universe trying pull unsuspecting people into orbit around him with his immense gravity field of stupidity and leftist clickbait.

      Run… while you still can!! 😆

      • Bunk X says:

        That article is misleading.
        1. Slavery is not about race, never has been.
        2. Indentured servitude is slavery.
        3. Slaves are & were known to be 100% human.

        “Unlike slaves, [indentured] servants were considered legally human.” He apparently refers to the 3/5ths of a man declaration, which had to do with voting rights in the U.S. Since women had ZERO voting rights, does that mean that they were considered non-human?
        I don’t think so.

  7. Pakimon says:


    Try 306 rounds while in office according to Golf Digest

    The 306 rounds over eight years averages out to a little more than 38 rounds a year, which is well above the national average of 19.3, according to figures provided by the National Golf Foundation (NGF).

    In conclusion: Gus is in fact… A brain-dead imbecile 😆

  8. Pakimon says:

    Rut Roh!

    It also illustrates that Gus might have to set aside the Sterno and the crack pipe and actually get a job. 😆

    • Pakimon says:

      For those not inclined to click the link, Gus is referring to a bill being pushed through Congress by Trump and Ryan requiring mandatory drug testing before receiving federal unemployment benefits.

      No wonder Gus is alarmed.

      He’s probably having nightmares about being deported back to Argentina. 😆

      • Octopus says:

        Here’s a rough depiction of Gus living the gaucho life in Argentina — he’s the bum in the chair, obviously.

  9. Pakimon says:

    Time for “Gus Plays With Math and Demonstrates He’s a Complete Idiot”

    This ought to be good.

    Please Gus… explain.

    • Pakimon says:

      One problem (aside from Gus’ numbers being incorrect) …

      Only 136,628,459 actually voted.

      Nice going, dumbass. 😆

    • Pakimon says:

      Gus is compelled to highlight his utter stupidity.

      I have an urge to fly to Colorado and stand next to Gus wearing one of those “I’m with Stupid” t-shirts.

      Hey Gus! Here’s a reality check.

      37% > 46.1%

      Jeez… It’s not like it’s rocket science. 😆

      • Octopus says:

        Gus had a long day fighting with Berniebros yesterday — it was actually pretty funny. He’s plumb tuckered out, today. Too spent to do math.

        It’s funny how Gus identifies himself with a party that actually preferred the only real Socialist in Congress to the old hag who was anointed the Candidate, and now he spends much of his waking daze trying to convince his donkey peers that Bernie was the Wrong Guy, and Shrillary was the Right Woman For The Job. Talk about a thankless task. 😆

      • rightymouse says:

        Math is hard for Gussy. And he’s an architect? Really?? 😯

  10. Octopus says:

    That’s pretty much the Main Rule, dumbass. 😆

  11. Arachne says:

    I find it interesting that Comey is all about “oh we’re investigating Trump and Russia.” Really? Trump and Russia. Haven’t found anything in a goddamn year, but keep at it.

    Hey, by the way, are you investigating who leaked the information about Flynn’s phone conversation with the Russian ambassador? Because, uh, you know that that ACTUALLY happened and uh, you know, that’s a fucking FELONY.

    • rightymouse says:

      Yep. And President Trump’s doubling down on Comey.

      • Bunk X says:

        Proving a positive is hard when it’s all based on anonymous sources and hearsay. The left wants Trump’s administration to prove a negative, which is impossible.

        • Octopus says:

          It’s all unmitigated bullshit. Deep State stuff, meant to undermine Trump’s efforts to drain the swamp. Political theater for rubes and leftist media drones.

  12. rightymouse says:

    Eric & Lara Trump are expecting their first child! Fabulous!! 🙂

  13. rightymouse says:

    By the way, Briareus, I really, really liked your framed suit & tie. Much better than that piece of crap that Fatso’s ‘artist’ was pimping. 🙂

    • Bunk X says:

      Briareus told me that he’d had half a beer when he posted it. ;D

      • rightymouse says:

        He should have had the whole beer. Who knows what he would have created? I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Michelangelo had been totally looped in the Sistine Chapel while painting on his back.

  14. Octopus says:

    So many women are turned on by your new friendship with Olbie The Bathtub Boy, Chunky. Women like the one below. They just want to be near you. Oh, and see your updated avatar. They’re into the whole pannus thing now.

    …not to mention, it’s high time we had a little old fashioned cleavage up in here. Not that there’s anything wrong with underboob or sideboob, but let’s not neglect the classics. 🙂

  15. Bunk X says:

    Charles cheers out loud at news broadcasts and makes dogs bark. Hunh.

    • Octopus says:

      “Whatchoo barkin’ at, Rufus?”
      “Prolly that honky hippo yellin’ at the TV again.”

    • Arachne says:

      Instant fame? I couldn’t come up with her name with a gun to my head.
      Interesting that WaPo used the “emperor has no clothes” analogy. Because they NEVER used it to the naked dictator who preceded Trump.

      Anyone think dumbass never ever ever heard that question LIVE?

  16. Bunk X says:

    All roads lead to Jazzy.

  17. Pakimon says:

    The “abstract oil pastel” featured at the top of the page needs a better title.

    I suggest “The Rise of Orange Hitler“. 😀

  18. Arachne says:

    HOT TUNA!!! Charlie 3-Chin’s buddy Rauhauser’s bomb making buddy is back in the NEWS!

  19. rightymouse says:

    Ummm..Fatso, I don’t think Cruz swings both ways. But to be fair, it wouldn’t surprise me if he was hung like a stallion.

    • Arachne says:

      Whereas, you invoke the gag reflexes of entire neighborhoods when you walk down a public street.

      Wow Dude – national debate champion, solicitor general and now Senator from Texas, successful, well-dressed, well-spoken, beautiful and successful wife; two tiny tots that you just want to scoop up and pinchey-cheek…..

      And you…..stained black t-shirt washed on the full moon; greasy ponytail, stubble, house that smells like a landfill; man who smells like a dog patrolling the landfill.

      Yeah, he REALLY worries what YOU think.

    • Octopus says:

      Chunky used to spend his Saturday nights at the donkey show, before they banned him for scaring the animals with his massive girth. He can handle a big dongle.

    • OLT's All Power To The State says:

  20. Octopus says:

    When Chelsea Speaks, People Listen! 😆

    So much stupid flying around in the Twitter Tower Of Babel today. I’m out.

    • rightymouse says:

      LOL! 😆

    • Arachne says:

      They are working overtime to make this piece of entitled shit happen.
      Someone should tell her she is never going to overcome answering for her no-show $600K job on NBC, her $10 million apartment, her wedding financed by Clinton Foundation funds and her husband losing everyone’s money investing in Greece.

  21. ISTE says:

    This “transgender” competing in sports against natural born females is bullshit.

    There are more differences between male and females than just the genitalia.

    Bone structure and joints are different.

    I am not surprised that a male weightlifter who has had his penis cut off and tucked in can beat any woman on the planet at weightlifting in the same weight category.

    Sometime when you are bored stand in front of a mirror, extend your arms about 45 degrees from your body and then rotate your arms so your outstretched palms face the mirror.

    Look at your arms from the shoulder to the wrist. Is your arm nearly straight or does it seem to bend at the elbow?

    Just a guess, If you have a penis it will be almost straight, if you don’t you will notice a slight angle at the elbow.

    LOL, there is more than one way of spotting a “Thai Ladyboy” than looking for an adam’s apple. (I mean, before it is too late!!! )

  22. Octopus says:

    Don’t you wish you could go back in time to 2005 and warn Fatass that he was heading down a dark and dirty path that would lead to him groveling before Bathtub Boy on a daily basis, despite getting zero love in return from the fatuous cretin? Or would you just sit back and let Nature take its course?

    • minnowredux says:

      Olbermann and his pretend shuffling of papers as he yaps moronically about anything.

      The dude always looks miserable.

      The dude always sounds miserable.

      The dude never has anything nice (or accurate) to say.

      What a pathetic way to live life.

      And then – for Charles to use this idiot as his “go to” guy!!?? Wow.

      That is like double-purchase on idiocy.

      -and Charles is at the business end.

      Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah – breath – hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

      • minnowredux says:

        Charles, who taught you to be such a fucking idiot? Your father? Or maybe it was that your father ignored you?

        Either way, you are a lost soul on the high speed train to no where.

        Smile idiot. Let that tongue lol out and (maybe) give us one of your Egyptian dance thingies – or perhaps a Boy Scout salute.

        As your bra’ Olberdouchey would say: “You sir, are a moron!”

        And, have a nice day!!! 🙂

        • Bunk X says:

          He spoke of his mother, spoke of his brother, spoke of his ex-wife, spoke of his comic book collection more than any of them, but he never once mentioned his father.

          • Octopus says:

            “Daddy issues.” I guess we should count ourselves lucky that Chunky didn’t end up on a stripper pole. 😆

            You hate to see a middle-aged man who hasn’t achieved a smidgen of dignity and self-respect. When they’re prickish like McDumbth it adds comedy, but there’s still some pathos in there.

      • Arachne says:

        If the comments of his ex-girlfriends are to be believed, he’s as much a dickless wonder as the Culver City blimp. And abusive. I’m sure he anticipated that he would not be without a network gig for very long and his fall to irrelevancy that he’s reduced to Twitter videos may not be sitting well with him.

        • minnowredux says:

          A friend of mine would LOVE to hear some of the ex-girlfriend comments. You realize that I could care less. It is for a friend that I ask….

  23. minnowredux says:

    Hey Charles, I don’t think it is too late for you to take your neighbor’s dog and go register for the 2017 Iditarod. Go team!

  24. minnowredux says:

    Oh – and, ahhhh…… ever time that little pooch takes a crap. Why don’t you take that little poopie and shove it right up Jessica Clinton’s dumb ass (or whatever her name is).

  25. rightymouse says:

    Just went to do a search in the Lizardoid archives >>>>> and the site is down. 😦

  26. rightymouse says:

    How many refugees have you invited to live with you, Gussy? Am sure there are plenty of young, Muslim men who would LOVE to live with you.

  27. rightymouse says:

    Another liberal judge. Thank God we dodged that bullet! Go smoke some more dope, ya big dope!

  28. Octopus says:

    But what possible difference could it make at this point, Fatass? I mean, how much whirlwind is left to be reaped? Trump is president, and he’s making good on all of his promises. The whirlwind is full of dead donkeys, solar panels, and aborted fetuses.

  29. Octopus says:

    Juxtaposition is an even harsher bitch, Chunky. 😆

  30. Octopus says:

    Who says Bathtub Boy has no dick to speak of? He’s got a big fat one, it’s just not attached to his body.

    • Bunk X says:

      Olbermann always looks like he’s squeezing out a fart while trying to hold it in.

      • Octopus says:

        It’s difficult to imagine a more miserable human being than Olbie. Maybe one of those poor starving African kids, with stick-arms, bloated belly, and flies on their eyes. How telling is it, that Chunky sees this outcast as a strong horse to which one’s little green wagon should be hitched?

        Desperation is a harsh mistress, indeed.