Reliving past glories

On occasion, the blogger we love to mock reminisces about his glory days as a Jazz Guitarist. He brags on Twitter about playing on one of Stanley Clarke’s albums.

This is the same Stanley Clarke who did not invite Charles to play on the George Duke tribute album.

90 Comments on “Reliving past glories”

  1. Arachne says:

    Dude, seriously. That’s pathetic. Nothing like an adult fishing for compliments. Which is precisely what you are doing.

    And we’re still waiting to hear why you aren’t on the Duke tribute album.

    • Because olo says:

      For a milyo or two, he might go on tour… 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

    • Daedalus says:

      I mentioned that. Very interesting and I would love the background story,

      • Bunk X says:

        Back when The Breitbart Project (the “Ruse & Fail” series) was still on the boards, the BRC requested anecdotes from George Duke, Al Jarreau and Stanley Clarke regarding Charles Johnson’s musical talent and personality. Each declined to comment.

  2. rightymouse says:

    One retweet so far. Now THAT’s funny. 😆

  3. Because olo says:

    Mick? His schlong is too tiny to be a Mick.

  4. rightymouse says:

    Fatso. Before he decided to trash his blog.

    245 Charles
    2007-09-26 18:25:24
    Obama. The quintessential empty suit.

    • rightymouse says:

      Another gem:
      467 Charles
      2007-10-30 18:51:59
      Obama is so not ready for prime time.

      • rightymouse says:

        And then he lost his mind with visions of grandeur…..

        72 Charles
        2008-02-02 12:02:12
        The one reason why I’d bite the bullet and vote for McCain is simple: Iran. If Hillary or Obama are elected, Iran will have nuclear weapons, guaranteed.

        If McCain is elected, it’s less certain.

      • Because you're dumb says:

        I guess the right wing racists made him type that.

  5. Because you're dumb says:

    Mayee Critmux Chunky Schlongson and everyone at Daedalus!!!!

  6. kbdabear says:

    Yeh, you’re really big in Stanley Clarke’s world, Toot….

    Google search results for Fatass on Clarke’s website

    “charles johnson”

    No results found for “charles johnson”

  7. Because olo says:

    Still at it.

  8. Because you're dumb says:

    Chunky Schlongsuck parlayed an ’80s guitar career with minor celebs into a reverse engineered web yawn producing a mouse app no one needed and finally into a redundant libtarded web crater of dumbth.

    Chunky please keep on keeping on because we really dig ya man. You might want to try this technique though. Ya know just so you still have the “will to live” in 2016.

  9. Octopus says:

    If Teh Warmening wasn’t already dead, and people knew how to read simple declarative sentences backed up by scientific facts, this article would be the final nail in AGW’s coffin.

  10. Pakimon says:

    Holy moly.

    Anyone got some of that PooPourri around?

    Chunkles is dropping “yule logs” all over Twitter.

    • Because olo says:

      Eww. Kitty roca.

    • rightymouse says:

      He co-wrote it? Then how come he’s not mentioned?

      Reach for It
      Leon “Ndugu” Chancler / George Duke
      George Duke

      • Because you're dumb says:

        It seems very racist and micro-aggressive for an over-privileged white man to try and take credit for a black man’s music. Shameful even.

      • Bunk X says:

        “Ndugu” was the drummer that stopped the “Dukey Stick” jam.

        George Duke narrating: “I would not have attempted this song without the soul members of the band.”

        GD to recording engineer: “Okay. Gary, you ready?”

        LC: “Okay, it’s Howdy Doody Time, baby!”

        [LC’s Drum intro]

        GD to CJ: “C’mon, Barry!”

        [Song stopped abruptly by LC]

        GD: “Wait a minute, I think we oughta change the guitar lick – a little bit. Whaddya think. [laughter] Heheh, Yeah? Naw it ain’t nothin’, ain’t nothin’. Who you playin’? Wait a minute, Barry, who you playin’?”

        CJ: “I’m playin’ like a…”
        [Charles plays new lick]

        LC: “Goin’ surfin’ baby! Here we go!”

        GD: “What about another lick. Try out something else. You wanna try it with me? Try it before we get back in the band. Okay, one, two, three, four…”

    • Pakimon says:

      Chunkles’ “co-writing” of that song is the equivalent of shaking and banging a tambourine or clanging on a cow bell. 😆

  11. Pakimon says:

    Apparently George Duke wasn’t impressed with The Chunkster.

    Other than giving him credit for playing on the studio version of “Reach For It”, the only other mention is this:

    Charles Johnson had left the band (after I gave him money to help buy a Volkswagen I might add) and I began using Roland Bautista on guitar, who eventually took Al McKay’s place with Earth, Wind & Fire.

    You can almost see the disdain dripping from that quote. 😆

    • Pakimon says:

      Perhaps somebody with a Twitter account should ask Chunkles about why he screwed over George Duke in such a shameful way.

      I’m sure Chunky will reply with assorted F-bombs and “Say hello to my block button” etc. 😆

      • Dudebro says:

        In order to get rid of the pathetic mooch chuckles, that money for the VW was a small price to pay. Can you imagine the drama chuckles stirred up in the band?

    • Because you're dumb says:

      A genuinely good guy enabling me to steal from him!

      Chunkles Schlongson, Grammy winner

  12. pineapple says:

    I laughed about this last week…… Click-bait on Fatso’s website went to Jim Hoff’s site through Fark.

    “Paris: Female Suicide Bomber’s Head “Flew Through Window” When She Blew Herself Up”

  13. Pakimon says:

    Since the title of this thread is “Reliving past glories”, I figured I’d indulge by posting a link to this Christmas Eve ditty from 2 years ago. 😀

  14. rightymouse says:

    Good grief!

    • Because olo says:

      I sawed that. That’s Toot-level stupid. 🙄

    • kbdabear says:

      I love when lefties who have contempt for Christians tell us who Jesus was. If you don’t play the game, you don’t make the rules.

      Joseph and Mary were from Nazareth and traveled to Bethlehem to be counted in the census (GOVERNMENT!) in order to enable the Romans to levy taxes (MOAR GOVERNMENT!). That they couldn’t find lodging didn’t make them anymore homeless or a refugee than a college dork who can’t find a hotel room at Spring Break.

      By the time he was fleeing Death Gangs who were soldiers and police of Roman GOVERNMENT, he was in his early 30s, hardly a child, especially when life expectancy at that time was around 42

      • Bunk X says:

      • johnberk says:

        I’m surprised that you stress one part of the story, while not mentioning the other. Mary and Joseph were refugees, they were trying to escape a potentially harmful situation in order to provide the best for their child – Jesus. It was not about the government agencies or taxes, it was a matter of pure survival.
        My Christian values oblige me to help those in need. I appreciate the story of Jesus gives us in our everyday life. Now we can see that what the horrors of civil war in Syria and Iraq look like, with people dying every day for unnatural causes, trying to escape conflict which was spurred by American interests. Accept the responsibility, help, and learn. That’s all I can say.

  15. Juan Epstein says:

  16. Because you're dumb says:

    Is this the best Christmas song ever written? Sufjan Stevens, “Christmas Unicorn”

    And next he’ll be writing ironic tunes about all the Ramadan hypocrites? Yeah, right.

    Melody’s vapid. Point is juvenile. Equals BEST SONG EVER to Chunkles Fatso McSchlongson.

    • Because you're dumb says:

      This dude Stevens evidently has a huge following. So I thought maybe I’m missing something. The lyrics maybe are very wise or clever. Nup. Try nonsensical tripe.

      I’m a Christmas Unicorn! In a uniform made of gold
      With a billy-goat beard, and a sorcerer’s shield, and mistletoe on my nose!
      Oh I’m a Christian holiday; I’m a symbol of original sin
      I’ve a pagan tree and a magical wreath and bow-tie on my chin!
      Oh I’m a pagan heresy; I’m a tragical Catholic shrine
      I’m a little bit shy, with a lazy eye, and a penchant for sublime
      Oh I’m a mystical apostasy; I’m a horse with a fantasy twist
      Though I play all night with my magical kite, people say I don’t exist
      For I make no full apology; for the category I reside
      I’m a mythical mess with a treasury chest; I’m a construct of your mind
      Oh I’m hysterically American! I’ve a credit card on my wrist
      And I have no home or a field to roam; I will curse you with my kiss
      Oh I’m a criminal pathology with a history of medical care
      I’m a frantic shopper and a brave pill-popper and they say my kind are rare
      But I’ve seen others in the uniform of a unicorn just like me

      We are legions wide and we choose no sides; we are masters of mystique
      For you’re a Christmas Unicorn! I have seen you on the beat
      You may dress in the human uniform, child . . . but I know you’re just like me

      I’m the Christmas Unicorn! You’re the Christmas Unicorn too!
      (I’m the Christmas Unicorn; it’s all right, I love you!)

      Love: love will tear us apart . . . again
      Love: love will tear us apart . . . my friend
      (I’m the Christmas Unicorn! You’re the Christmas Unicorn!)

      Chunky’s favorite Critmus song.

  17. Octopus says:

    Merry Christmas to all y’all, and that means everyone who mocks, and who is mocked. I don’t hate anyone, including the Fat Fucking Walrus who Twitter-shames himself daily. Hey, go to town, you big porky loser! Pam says, “Hi.”

  18. Because olo says:

    Since Toot identifies as a goat…

  19. Bunk X says:

  20. Octopus says:

    Awkward Family Photo, with the two boyfriends of the girls. Jewish Kid from Bloomfield Hills, Irish Catholic Kid from Derry, Northern Ireland, and old guy from Buffalo, by way of Detroit. That’s what happens. Merry Christmas!

  21. Juan Epstein says:

    What? No ironic Santa hat on the 62 year old faux hipster’s 20 year old avatar?

  22. rightymouse says:

    Merry Christmas everyone! Family will start arriving in a few hours. 🙂

  23. Pakimon says:

    Merry Christmas to all you stalkers and stalkerettes!

    As a present, I give you footage of Gus on his Christmas Eve adventure.

    Now we know what happened to Chunkles’ bicycle. 😆

  24. Pakimon says:

    Gus’ Christmas Eve Adventure – The Prequel

    It seems Gus found (what he thought) was the lair of His Royal Chunkiness and was on a quest to find him and beg for money pay homage to his Lord and Master.

    The building looked like the one from The Ginger Chuck’s infamous stalker photo if run through the filter of Gus’ pickled brain.

    He managed to sneak through the garage gate and… well… see for yourself!

    Sterno mixed with rancid eggnog found in a dumpster is a volatile combination. 😆