Say, About that 9 Millionth Comment at LGF…

9M 7 April 2011

Of course we’ll stipulate that even one million comments on a blog is a lot, and that it is quite an accomplishment for any site owner anywhere.  And, hey, I was there for the 4 millionth, so even if lately it seems like CJ would rather that those old comments disappear, I say…congrats!

It’s just that with so many of the major contributors to that total who are now on this side of the Lizard Kingdom wall, there’s bound to be some “fact check your ass” goin’ on over here.  It just happens.  Plus, we’d like to think we know a thing or two about these millions of LGF comments.  Heck, we’ve been divin’, swimmin’ and splashin’ in the old swamp like kids on Red Bull for months. So I hope nobody minds, but we’re going to objectively examine the selection process for the “winning” comment.

First, we should give a little background, and mention that there’s been a long and well-documented series of these milestones of brief celebration over the years at LGF, and The Boiler Room crew uncovered many threads containing breathless lizard anticipation, as the comments poured in and CJ was busy behind the scenes making the calculations to determine who receives the honor of having posted the x millionth comment.

When the results were in, the winning comment, like all LGF comments, has a url and master comment number.  Based on the correlation, we can infer that CJ is including the [deleted] comments, along with those from memory-holed threads.  As far as we can tell, he essentially tried to figure out just how many times a human being sat and typed something and clicked “post comment” on his website, and pin down the exact spot on the lizard odometer. For the record, according to CJ…

  • The 4 millionth comment was: (Irish Rose)
  • 5 millionth comment was: (tarkus289)
  • 6 millionth was: (Equable)
  • 7 millionth: (Goddessoftheclassroom)
  • 8 millionth: (Charles)


(why all these are like 7003068 and not 7000000 even, we think some of it has to do with this). Or, as Johnson sez:

We assume that he’s compensating for a tiny percentage of “gaps” that are scattered in there (we believe engineer No. 4 has spotted most of them).  But, oddly, it appears that there are less than a million comments between a couple of those milestones (for example, CJ chose his own comment as the 8 millionth, and it was designated 8003064, but the 7 millionth was 7003068.  How does that work?) In any case, to our knowledge, no one has ever disputed these results in the face of such confidence.  Besides, who’s brave enough to nitpick it?


The engineers down here (No. 2 I think it was) have discovered something in the archives that lead us to conclude that these now-immortalized comments fall short of their millionth milestones, for one of the “various reasons” that we’re not sure CJ is aware of.

You see, one of the time trials with The World’s Greatest Blog Search Engine™ happened to uncover a rather significant glitch in the LGF comment matrix. Like the “views” counter, we found a large reservoir of comments that appear… more than once.  For reasons which we can only speculate, there are (at least) 32,531 duplicated comments sitting in the archives, and they appear to have been included in the grand total for quite some time.

Wanna see them? Go to any thread between Dec. 28, 2005 and Jan. 7, 2006 (articles# 1870118789 and the first part of thread 18790, specifically). As you read them, you’ll notice that the thread’s comment count is double what it should be.  The whole lizard thread repeats itself once (like an encore).

As a blogger, it’s pretty funny to see a “First?” comment at #60 (like from thread 18701_RoP_Strikes_in_India).  Oh what the heck, it makes a perfect throbbing memo:

Now, in the aforementioned interest of fact-checking, we made sure that this wasn’t just a visual thing, and that these duplicated comments had unique numbers that were being included in the grand total. Scrolling over them, it looked like they did, and were.  Digging a little further, it got kinda interesting.  Try this:

Pick a comment url from one of those old threads (for ease, I picked the first one):

In the url, delete the thread comment number (1; it’s always optional), and add 32531 to the master comment number (2363284 + 32531 = 2395815):

Ta da! Yep, that’s two #s and urls for one comment.  Watch it throb:

The span of master comment #s which are effected by this are 2330836 –> 2363366, and their duplicates immediately follow at 2363367 –>2395897 (which is why the “add 32531” trick works).  Or another way to look at it: every comment archived from that point forward was artificially “bumped” by 32,531 in the LGF chronology. And, since the comments doubled for this section of the timeline, we’d expect it to jump right out at us on a graph, right? Well, remember this?  The anomaly is pretty clear:

So there, it might sinking in over there at the swamp now…

I suppose the “glitch” itself is a little embarrassing for a self-described perfectionist, but what’s worse is what it does to all those millionth-comment celebrations and awards.  After all, we’re talking about the “ultimate majesty” in the Lizardoid Kingdom:

Ummm…OK, if you take the 32,531 duplicates out of the total count, it would put that Irish Rose comment down to 3,970,499, and the “real” 4 millionth comment would have shown up the next week, right about…here:

Oh NO!!!  That [deleted] comment belonged to NYC Redneck. ( Although, “[deleted]” would make an appropriate rotating title.)

Anyway, the same goes for the other milestones.  And, all this also means that we’ll be waiting a little while longer for the real 9 millionth comment, of course.

As for how the “glitch” came to be, we’ll leave it open to discussion, but I think the error had something to do with all that stuff that happened back in ’07 when CJ switched things over, and the archived comments were assigned those master numbers (and this batch of old threads had their comments copied twice, for some reason).  But, who knows?   Perhaps Charles can explain with a “tech note”.

Exit question: Are we springing this on CJ?

127 Comments on “Say, About that 9 Millionth Comment at LGF…”

  1. song_and_dance_man says:

    Morlocks, no
    ROP, no

    But Foster still uses heh? Heh!

  2. Arachne says:

    I will celebrate this thread by drinking out of my “Boiler Room Boys” coffee mug! Cheers!

  3. nils says:

    Wait – so you’re saying Johnson is wrong about his “9 millionth comment”?

    And his 8th, 7th, 6th millionth etc???



  4. lmao says:

    F8cking asshole he is and that is all. He jumped the shark a long time ago and if it were not for this blog he would not even be talked about so I think he needs to just go away. He disrespected so many people in so many ways and he is a nasty, ugly guy. I don’t even understand why some people stay at his blog.

  5. Emperor says:

    We assume that he’s compensating for a tiny percentage of “gaps” that are scattered in there (we believe engineer No. 4 has spotted most of them). But, oddly, it appears that there are less than a million comments between a couple of those milestones (for example, CJ chose his own comment as the 8 millionth, and it was designated 8003064, but the 7 millionth was 7003068. How does that work?)

    Might it be that these are comments that Chuck has totally obliterated – that is, not just deleted but erased all trace of? Where there is no [deleted], just no trace of the post…as if it never happened. The LGF Dictionary mentioned Chuck doing that to “Comment #17”.

    Via that ASP link:

    Deleting rows after the fact

    That sounds like Chuck. “Deleting after the fact”.. That fits him like a glove. And of course, Chuck would be able to keep an exact tally of how many comments he obliterated, and be able to account for that when counting for the million-post milestones. I don’t see him being able to do that if it was a bug.

  6. Roger says:

    So let me if I understand the data presentation — LGF is fubar?

  7. Mandingo Warrior says:

    Busted agAin. Not even his nine millionth comment is real.

  8. Emperor says:

    Here’s my Chuck-mocking-video again…..

  9. doppelganger says:

    fake but inaccurate

  10. Voltaires Crack says:

    BRC = honey badger
    SoCC = lizard

  11. Bagua says:

    Gorm, Charles Johnson is busted again!

    All LittleGreenFootBalls™ generated statistics are fake, even this grim milestone.

  12. Arachne says:

    Oh, and since Clueless was so quick to do the Victory Dance of the Irrelevant Blogger over the Wisconsin election yesterday, perhaps he’ll be interested to note that the totals for one town had not been reported and that the vote totals everyone on the left were salivating over were coming from the AP. Turns out that Prosser is now ahead by something like 7500 votes.

    What was that about “refudiation” again?

    • Emperor says:

      Chuck was outrageously, hyperbolically bloviating when he declared Wisconsin had “refudiated” Walker by a margin of… 200 votes. Now it’s just humiliating for him.

      A hundred bags of Cheetos says the name “David Prosser” will never be mentioned by Charles again.

      • Formercorpsman says:

        That. Is the best. This guy just loses on every single bet he places.

        I can’t help but laugh.

    • doppelganger says:

      This is the same Charles who predicted HUGE Democrat gains in the house and senate in the 2010 mid term elections.

      The man is the fecal version of King Midas. Everything he touches turns to shit

  13. Walter von Dichische says:

    I don’t care. It will always be “booger”.

  14. Emperor says:

    The fact that the Boiler Room Crew is ruining this 9M milestone for Charles is quite horrid!! It’s not like he’s ever going to celebrate a 10M milestone at the rate his weekly comment counts are collapsing!

  15. doppelganger says:

    More people are now aware that his 9 millionth comment is fake than are aware he is celebrating his 9 millionth comment

  16. Zimriel says:

    Ethically, he shouldn’t count his own comments in the total.

  17. Walter von Dichische says:

    You mean the booger is a fake?

    • Emperor says:

      In terms of Chuck and LGF, it is truly “fake but accurate”.

    • nils says:

      Well … it’s comment #9M given a large enough tolerance band (lol). Give him a break man, he’s a pundtwit blooger, not a rocket scientist.

      • Walter von Dichische says:

        But he has a climate scientist on staff. Or something like that. The dude who gets woody when he watches Fox News.

  18. sacred ham says:

    Between this and the Hitler video, I’d almost feel bad for him…. if he weren’t such a colossal asshole.

  19. nils says:

    What would be sweet is if Johnson goes ahead with his typical, celebratory “X-Millionth Comment” post. Because, after all, he never reads DoD.

    And meanwhile the loozards are trying to process this this, assimilate it into their set of inconveniently true things that are suddenly unimportant, and waiting for a clue from Johnson on how to react.

  20. Internet Septic Tank Engineer says:

    Lol, Hey Charles! we all get to play “let’s see what the 9 millionth comment is” again in about 2 weeks.
    Lol, Hey Charles! we all get to play “let’s see what the 9 millionth comment is” again in about 2 weeks.

    It was so much fun this time I can’t wait!
    It was so much fun this time I can’t wait!


    • doppelganger says:



      • spaceallah says:

        I’m gonna go get the papers, get the papers.

      • Bunk X says:

        So, is Charles going to go back and delete posts at the risk of providing proof of his deletions of posts, or will he let them stand as proof of thread inflation?



      • Internet Septic Tank Engineer says:

        Technically speaking to cover up this faux pas Booger Johnson has to re-index his whole site.

        That will take several hours of processing and will achieve nothing, except one thing.

        Then everyone will see that….

        He has not reached 9 million comments yet!

        Whatever he does, he can’t hide this one… 🙂

  21. TreBob says:

    nils :
    And meanwhile the loozards are trying to process this this, assimilate it into their set of inconveniently true things that are suddenly unimportant, and waiting for a clue from Johnson on how to react.

    Wouldn’t the standard Charles reaction be ‘Chen lied and made all that stuff up because he’s an evil stalker and wants to take my will to live’ and then when some enterprising lizard verifies the discrepancy the “mea culpa” will be put on a sooper sekret registered only thread?

    Haven’t they figured that out yet?

    • nils says:

      Could be. Or maybe it’s “la la la” and fingers in the ears all the way, and woe to the loozard who breaks ranks.

      • Emperor says:

        Yeah. I don’t think this scandal will be mentioned at the swamp.

      • Internet Septic Tank Engineer says:

        I think this is a “La la la” moment for Charles.

        Even Dork_Falcon is ignoring us. The silence means we were correct. If we were wrong then Charles would smear and slander us and call us nasty names.

    • dwells38 says:

      Right. Plus here’s his name, address, place of work and a photo of him.

  22. Emperor says:

    Could this be Chuck’s press conference announcing the 9 Millionth Comment at LGF?

    Just think. Where Kloppenburg got set back by over 7,300 votes, Charles Foster Johnson got set back by over 32,000. He’s a trailblazer!

    • doppelganger says:


    • Arachne says:

      “We ran a campaign that was positive and respectful…”

      Bullshit. They ran a smear campaign that was so full of untruths they were called on it by an election oversight group.

      Eat dirt, tootsie. You got a nice $3 million call campaign financed via union dues (i.e., the TAXPAYERS) the weekend before. Prosser played by the rules.

  23. Emperor says:

    New Tone!

    moderatelyradicalliberal Thu, Apr 7, 2011 5:42:45pm 1

    Fuck these people. I hope their kidneys fail.

  24. Speranza says:

    61 SpaceJesus Tue, Apr 5, 2011 9:56:48pm replyquote

    * 6
    * down
    * up
    * report

    lol, go blue all you funny-sounding wisconsin counties, go blue

    • Arachne says:

      lol, [hold your breath until you] turn blue, all you Swampy smear merchants, turn blue.

  25. Internet Septic Tank Engineer says:

    This is a must see video.

    Same link as above in the article but placed here so Charles can watch it.

    • Bagua says:

      Well, let’s face it, Charles is out of his depth with coding and database management. Not bad for an uneducated, self-taught script kiddie, but obviously not in ChenZhen’s league!

    • Arachne says:

      Look who’s on that thread though – Joel, SwampWoman, goodbye_natalie. All the greats!

  26. John Difool says:

    “Looks like Prosser just came out 7500 votes ahead of Kloppenburg due to a computer error”

    Horatio: Well it looks like……the Cheetos…….all of a sudden have been dipped in piss


  27. Internet Septic Tank Engineer says:

    I think Charles has lost his will to live. Today he got a double smackdown.

    First came the fact that his long awaited 9 millionth comment was just “Booger”

    Then came the double whammy! His 9 million does not match the real 9 million.

    Hey Charles “booger” Johnson, maybe tomorrow will be better, go have some fruit and water and a good cry.

    • KGB says:

      Don’t forget the humiliating (for him) turn of events in Wisconsin. I don’t visit the swamp, so can any tell me if he’s addressed the Prosser victory at all?

    • Formercorpsman says:

      I swear, I just sit here and read, and shake my head and laugh.

      Damn, he has become the very essense of what we used to do to the lefty blogs getting caught doing this kind of shit.

    • Walter von Dichische says:

      OMG ponies. Charles “booger” Johnson. It just doesn’t get any better.

    • dwells38 says:

  28. Speranza says:

    Eat shit and die Chuckles!

  29. Finally fixed my video embed. I made it to preserve them for all time.

    • Internet Septic Tank Engineer says:

      Laughing, OK so you can delete my inthread embed now.

      (See we do cover each others asses down here…)

      • Bagua says:

        What you guys do with “each others asses down here” is really of no interest to the rest of us.

        Please keep those details private!

    • Bagua says:

      It is historic!

    • spaceallah says:

      Good work. That is absolutely hilarious and totally takes whatever wind was in his sails, although the comment itself did a fine job by itself.

      I verified the duplication for myself on several threads. They are indeed duplicate comments in the database. Not just being outputted twice.


  30. kansas says:

    I don’t see where Charles has weighed in on the Prosser matter.

    • spaceallah says:

      He’s waiting for Media Matters or Huffington Post to comment first so he’ll know what the proper lefty talking points are, and also it is something he can just link to instead of generate his own content – something that is beyond him.

    • Daedalus says:

      Don’t expect him to.

    • Doppelganger says:

      He’s curled up in the fetal position with an empty bag of store-brand cheetos

  31. nils says:

    Meanwhile, the cover-up at the swamp continues.

    Are all the little birdies caged?

    Booger-gate, day zero.

  32. Speranza says:

    Ever notice that LVQ never posts when icejmmah are around?

  33. neeley says:

    Are you kidding me?
    They practically had their tongue down each others throats today on LvQ’s page today.

    • spaceallah says:

      Yeah it was funny considering the “fuck you sideways, bitch” comment. LMAO

      • Bagua says:

        It was a pathetic display of over-compensation. I doubt even the idiot sycophants did not find it transparent and disgusting.

        Jim and icesleezle are revealed as hypocrites as anyone else they would demand multiple apologies from.

  34. kansas says:

    spaceallah :Yeah it was funny considering the “fuck you sideways, bitch” comment. LMAO

    Ice likes it sideways.

  35. Of course the ironic thing is that a “booger” could also be described as a…

    …wait for it…

    Little Green Football

  36. Doppelganger says:

    a blog of boogers
    9 million comments that aren’t
    chuckles cooked the books

  37. OldLineTexan says:

    Bagua :Who is she wishing such a horrible death?

    Not me. I have a LOT of graves to piss on.

  38. garycooper says:

    That was a lot of laughs, and they were very welcome after a tough day and evening. Awesome work as usual, Chen Zhen. That Hitler-vid is precious, too. 😆

    “Booger.” Does it get any better than that?

  39. Voltaires Crack says:

    I am lion hear me roar, with downdings too big to ignore.

    Dark_Falcon4/07/2011 7:08:52 pm PDT


    re: #374 NJDhockeyfan

    It’s looking like the government might get shut down if these idiots we’ve elected can’t come to an agreement. What really pisses me off is this:

    Who gets paid if there’s a shutdown? Members of Congress still will


    It’s horseshit. We’ve got a shut down coming and Harry Reid wants it to happen. He wants it because he wants to be able to say how evil Republicans are.

    -6 and counting.

    • OldLineTexan says:

      You got it DF. You’re RIGHT.

      Now, look at what happened when you spoke the TRUTH.

    • Arachne says:

      You know, everybody talks about how it so harmed the Republicans and got Clinton re-elected in 1996 when they shut the government down.

      Baloney. The Republicans kept their Congressional majorities and Clinton benefitted from a third-party candidate in Perot and a completely crapacious GOP candidate in Dole. Clinton was elected twice with a plurality of the votes – which means more people DIDN’T want him to be President than DID.

      Because the Democraps are such duplicitous pieces of crap, I have no trouble seeing them try to run some kind of “TEA Party” candidate to siphon votes – they certainly did some dry runs on such a strategy in the Congressional races in the last election – remember that clown in Nevada?

    • Arachne says:

      Michelle Bachmann has said that if she receives any paycheck during a shutdown, she’ll be turning it over to an organization that supports military families.

  40. OldLineTexan says:

    kansas :

    spaceallah :Yeah it was funny considering the “fuck you sideways, bitch” comment. LMAO

    Ice likes it sideways.

    Loodie, being a SINETIST!11TY!, can simply rotate the axes he uses as a reference and change the meaning and direction of “sideways”!!!

    • Bagua says:

      Ludwig has punked both icesleazle and Jim. This is his greatest accomplishment on LGF!

  41. dwells38 says:

    Way to go Chen Zen. You fact-checked his ass big time.

  42. Kos Laughs At Chuckles says:

  43. Kos Laughs At Chuckles says:

    • sacred ham says:

      Ouch, that’s gotta hurt.

      After today’s epic compound fail, Chuck will have to post standing up for the next week.

      • Doppelganger says:

        impossible for that fat ass. He’ll get one of those post partum donuts to sit on

        mmmmmm donut

  44. Kos Laughs At Chuckles says:

  45. PrivateJohnson says:


    I don’t think so illiterati….

  46. Kos Laughs At Chuckles says:

  47. Kos Laughs At Chuckles says:

  48. MrPaulRevere says:

    Excellent work as per usual Chen. All hail the BRC for exposing this mendacious asshole.

  49. Bunk X says:

    KKKillgore’s long johns wool hat diet update. No slugs.

    62 Killgore Trout Thu, Apr 7, 2011 8:39:05pm replyquote
    * 4
    * down
    * up
    * report
    We have another miserable cold and rainy spring here. 10-15 degrees below normal, constant rain. We may not have a summer again this year. It’s april and I’m still wearing long johns and a wool hat. I’m taking solice in lamb, sweetpotatoes and collard greens.

    • Doppelganger says:

      He’s just a global warming DENIER

      • Iron Fist says:

        Global Warming® is causing the Cold. Global Warming® is at the root of everything… 🙄

    • dwells38 says:

      But how can Oregon be missing a summer? According to CJ and Lood the Arctic is skipping winter and the polar bears are having to do the back stroke?

    • garycooper says:

      KT’s subsisting on a low-kale diet, for the time being. With slugs for protein.

  50. William Standish Knowels says:

    div id=”cc9000000″
    table class=”comtop c2″tr
    td class=”cnum” a href=”/showc/78/9000000
    avanti Tue, Apr 5, 2011 10:04:13pm

    Fuck you Chunk. The entire world can go to and search littlegreenfootballs and the only thing they will find (if they search for 9000000 is)
    div id=”cc9000000″
    table class=”comtop c2″tr
    td class=”cnum” a href=”/showc/78/9000000
    avanti Tue, Apr 5, 2011 10:04:13pm

    oh and the other bullshit about why that aint 9000000; was assdwhistle tied up in court trying to get teh jimmah out? You are as big a cunt as LVQ. french the asswhistle and get it over with

    • Internet Septic Tank Engineer says:

      Avanti should get the prize. All this adding and subtracting and algebra is a load of bollocks.

      You are the 9,000,000 if you got that div id=”cc9000000″ on YOUR post.

      Yep, that is comment 9 million.

      • nil says:

        Johnson’s doubled down. He’s got up his celebratory “9M Comment” thread. Which loozard will have the guts to speak truth to power? So far, none.

      • Internet Septic Tank Engineer says:

        Nils, I really believed we wasted our time when I saw the booger appear. It was almost as if some spiritual being had decided that he needed the lols more than we did.

        But! Charles did it, he posted his celebratory thread!


        (this is so childish(TM) )

  51. Internet Septic Tank Engineer says:

    Breaking News!

    Charles “booger” Johnson announces his 9 Million Comment!

    (About 8 hours after we do, but remember Charles is a busy man)

    Nine Million Comments and Counting
    Heading toward eight digits
    Charles Johnson
    LGF • Thu Apr 7, 2011 at 11:51 pm PDT • Views: 319

    I’ve been traveling today so I’m getting to this a bit late — but I’m proud to announce that today Little Green Footballs logged our nine millionth comment!

    Comment #9M was posted this afternoon by “darthstar,” and it consisted of a single pithy yet enigmatic expression:


    Almost Zen in its simplicity. Or maybe not.

    For some reason the nice round millionth comments are never the passionate essays or the moving personal stories.

    Hi Charles, we know why you are announcing this.

    Traffic! you slut. 🙂

    • nil says:

      “Hi Charles, we know why you are announcing this.”

      And he wants to regain the top spot on Google for the coveted ‘booger’ search market.

      • Internet Septic Tank Engineer says:

        Aw booger! a youtube video of some little kids pushed us off the number one booger spot.

        Charles “booger” Johnson can’t even stay number one at Google even though we are helping him.


      • Basement Cat says:

        I can just imagine what sort of demographic would be spending their time in cyberspace searching for virtual boogers!

      • Internet Septic Tank Engineer says:

        Actually, at the moment it is us searching for boogers. Earlier today we were number one in Blogs!


  52. Internet Septic Tank Engineer says:

    4 Charles
    Fri, Apr 8, 2011 12:17:18am

    Meanwhile … get a load of who’s been administrating the LGF page at Wikipedia:

    Okay, I’ve taken a closer look at the edits in question (represented by this diff). I’m not going to make any changes myself as I have a slight conflict of interest as a booted former LGF commenter, and don’t really want to get involved except as an observer. But, for the record, it seems to me that the “alteration and deletion” section, at least, needs to be rewritten in a less accusatory and more neutral tone. Notanipokay seems to be trying to wave a bloody shirt here. While I approve, to some degree and for personal reasons, of the idea of seeing CJ portrayed as a buffoon, I have to point out that it’s simply not encyclopedic. Let’s stick to the facts and apply as little slant as possible. Mark Shaw (talk) 21:11, 5 April 2011 (UTC)

    My bold…

    Yep Mark, you stick to the encyclopedic stuff. Pointing out Charles Johnson is a (and I quote) buffoon is our job.

    Oh I wonder if Obdicut will update Wikipedia to mention the huge database and comment number snafu?

    Nope, thought not.

  53. 300 says:

    This scene in ‘Downfall’, a canvas if there ever was one.
    Well done.

  54. Arachne says:

    Iron Fist :

    Global Warming® is causing the Cold. Global Warming® is at the root of everything:roll:

    Yesterday in Northern California where I live, it was so cold that when I got home, the “graffle” (sp?), a combination of snow and hail, had covered our roofs and lawns – it looked like it had snowed (in fact it had the consistency of early winter snow slush). And by the way, Lewdpig – my town’s elevation is 320 feet. I’m practically at SEA level – not the Sierra foothills.

    Overnight temperature was 34 degrees.

  55. garycooper says:

    In honor of the “9,000,000th Comment”, before the recount that is, we present Ren & Stimpy:

    Booger! 😆